Crumbling Empire [Chapter 2]

Happy Friday! A few more pages for your delight and perusal. ~2543 3252 words

Edit 3/31/15: Changes with descriptions added, more internal character dialogue. +709 words.

Edit, preserved for comments, content removed 1/18/16.

Chapter 1 is here.

Go ahead, comment. It won’t kill you.  And, um, it’s not because I’m desperate. Because I’m not. I’m NOT! Just comment. If you comment, I’ll be your best friend!  C’mon. I’ll give you a cookie! Yeah, I love the “Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus” books, too.

6 thoughts on “Crumbling Empire [Chapter 2]

  1. Great job, keep ’em coming! Only suggestion this time: watch your dialogue and internal thoughts when you come back around for revisions. Your speech outside of military commands/jargon is starting to look clunky.


  2. Thanks 9, I appreciate the comments. I went through and did a complete revision of this section, and noticed that I had let the tension lapse, so I tightened the scene and tried to keep it realistic.


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