Am I the only one who wants to line edit Nigerian spam?

Seriously! I get these emails, and I think, “Yanno, for five bucks, I’d edit your email so it seemed legitimate.” Then again, I don’t want to help fraud. And I also get that these guys are trying to defraud someone using a non-native language. (It’s encouraging that Nigerians are learning English, however, even if it is for criminal purposes. Imagine the schools over there: “You need to learn this language so when you’re older, you’ll be able to create better fraud letters on the internet.”)

Then again, there’s an interesting book idea: What if one of these scams was actually true, and there was some guy who decided to give me a million dollars?

I’m pretty certain they’d probably send me a telegram instead of an email. Or even snailmail something to me.

Look at the latest offering. In it, Mrs. Robin Sanders has kindly offered to help me with my beneficiary’s application, which Glenda Ward is trying to steal by claiming to be me (grrrrr). Luckily, Robin’s got my back:

Attn; Beneficiary,

I am Mrs Robin Sanders, Former U.S.A Ambassador to Nigeria. With reference to your entitlement fund and inline with the CHANGE OF BENEFICARY’S APPLICATION, signed by Mrs. Glenda F. Ward with your purported authorization. This issue has been carefully examined and we have declined Mrs. Ward’s application as the application lacks regular signature. But Did you ever instruct Mrs Glenda F. Ward to claim your fund worth US$7.000.000? Below is the bank account information provided by Mrs Glenda F. Ward saying that you authorized her to claim your fund that you are terminally ill.

  1. BANK NAME: BANK OF AMERICA
  2. BANK ADDRESS: Kerrville Texas 78028 USA 3. ACCOUNT #: 3202650 4. ROUTING #: 114922443

If you had not authorized the change of your bank account in respect to your outstanding entitlement Payment, therefore notify me immediately as the notification / declaration was supported with a sworn affidavit from Lagos high court ref: ilk /jj/202/k2015, dated 28th August 2016 and signed by Mrs. Glenda Ward who claim and stated in the sworn declaration that you authorized her to claim the said fund on your behalf to a different bank account in the U.S.A as stated above because you were terminally ill and the Doctor who is incharge of your case stated that you will not stay more than one Month before passing away.

This development has caused lots of discrepancies in your payment file that is why we had to suspend your payment and prompted to contact you directly before re-validating your payment. You can be rest assured that I will do everything within my capacity to successfully actualize the quick transfer of your fund to any of your nominated bank account.

Kindly get back to me as soon as possible so that I will direct you on what to do.

Sincerely Yours
Mrs Robin Sanders
Fmr. U.S Ambassador

 

Creating Dimensional Characters—The Blind Spot

And here’s the crux of the matter – story arc relates to character arc relates to character flaw (blind spot) and virtue and it’s what the story is really about.

Kristen Lamb's Blog

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Last time, we talked about how to deepen characters and how EVERYBODY LIES (thank you Dr. House). Lies are critical for great fiction. To become excellent writers, we need to become great secret-keepers. Denial is more than a river in Africa 😉 .

I’d started a series on this a few months ago and Shingles got in the way of the next posts I had planned. But, the first of the intended series was about THE WOUND.  Check it out if you have a bit of time.

Most of us don’t go around lying because we are pathological liars. We lie because of our wounds. And, if you read the post, wounds don’t have to be big to be BIG.

Newer writers sometimes think we have to have a rape or death for it to be “enough” but never underestimate “smaller” wounds. They are far more common, very damaging, and…

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